I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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