Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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