Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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