are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
