can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
