i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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