i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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