watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
