I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
