six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
