I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
