Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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