we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
