The maid of honor just puked.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
