The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
