idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
