I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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