so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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