Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
