i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
