If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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