is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
love makes seman taste better
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
