Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
