On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
