I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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