woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You pole danced in your parka.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
