There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
