I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
