This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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