I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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