Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Randomize
