I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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