at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he puts the penis in happiness.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
