How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
