he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
