Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We need to rekindle our bromance
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I can't turn off my feet"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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