you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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