I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
