My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
