thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
FUCK WHALES
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