i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
