yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
the day after is always just damage control
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
