with your own penis?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
