Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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