Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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