for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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