got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
