Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
