Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I can text with my tongue
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
