He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
