ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
