Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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