do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
