threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
